Time for a Mental Brain Dump

Let me start by saying there is no way I could ever talk as fast as thoughts go through my head.  It's physically impossible.  I can't tell you how many times I just stop in the middle of a sentence because my brain was already 5 thoughts ahead and I forgot was I was talking about.  Ninety percent of my life is lived inside my head.  Thoughts, dreams, wishes and even hallucinations make up most of my day.  I'm proud to say I'm a high functioning lunatic, but there are days I'd really rather not be such a head case.  My road to being healthy is tough, I try to eat healthy and organic, my brain certainly doesn't need any chemicals that will do more damage, and I take a lot of vitamins.  I put them in a shot glass every morning.  I rarely drink alcohol these days, it only makes things harder to deal with, and I honestly don't miss it.  I'm sure the hubby wishes my OCD leaned more towards a clean house, but let's face it that's never going to happen.  I really want to get a dog, he says he has enough trouble taking care of me and the man/child, he doesn't have the time or energy for a dog.  I would really like to figure out a way to make enough money writing so I didn't have to rely on having a JOB.  It's funny that just the thought of going to work most days is enough to make me panicky.  I hate driving.  I've always said if I win Powerball one of the first things I would do is hire a driver so I never have to drive again.  Who gets panic attacks just from driving somewhere new? yep, me.  Even with a GPS I just can't seem to get over it, and then I'm pathetically excited when I make it to my destination. YIKES.  I don't hesitate these days to tell people I have Bipolar Disorder, one-I'm not ashamed (kinda) and two-when I do something that seems insane I figure I've already warned them ahead of time.  Being a grandmother is almost a paradox, I don't feel old enough to have two grown children, much less a grandchild.  I love him to pieces, and when they move it will break my heart.  Both my kids are wonderful human beings, which says alot for them as I certainly will never win any mother of the year awards.  They both know I love them and would do anything for them, which has to be enough for me.  I'm grateful that I have a family that is very supportive, they've always been there to pick up the ball-all the many times I've dropped it.  I can only fake being a responsible adult for so long, then my brain decides to shut down and go on vacation.  So, if there's anyone out there who knows anything about getting grants, I'm looking for one to write.  I can't fake it forever, but I'm not ready to give up yet.

Peace and Love~Kath